A closer look at the 2 weeks...

We'll try our best to put what happened during these 2 weeks into words... Before we do, you need to know that when you adopt internationally from China, you have to go through a checklist (our agency's was almost 9 pages long!) stating what special needs you were willing to consider, might consider or would not consider.  This was a difficult and strange task that we did after sitting down with our pediatrician way back in February.  It felt weird going through and marking a box, since we don't get to do that with a biological child.  However, it had to be done and we completed it as truthfully as we could.  We were definitely leaning towards the mild side of the special needs spectrum.

So when we looked at Lucy's file, we saw 2 things that weren't mentioned in the blog... 1) it said, "Hepatitis B positive" and  2) "Moderate retardation".   However, after we talked with the agency, we were able to get past those two things, since they said Hepatitis B positive just meant that she had her Hep B vaccine, she doesn't have Heb B. The physical therapist who had travelled over and spent time with Lucy just a couple months prior to our getting her file said that although Lucy scored low for the IQ testing, she thought Lucy was able to do more cognitively than what the file suggested due to external circumstances (she can't see well out of her crossed eye, she's been in an orphanage her whole life, she had to travel for 2 hours to the testing site, to take a test with strangers, etc.) She also went on about her personality and how she likes books and singing.

After the phone call with the physical therapist, we felt better, but we didn't feel the confirmation to say Yes or No yet. The main thing standing in the way for both Ben and I was that she had more moderate special needs than what we were anticipating.  However, I kept being reminded that we are all broken.  That if one of our biological children were crippled or injured in a life altering way, we would still love and care for them.  Although I felt Ben leaning towards us passing on her, I didn't have that peace yet, but didn't feel confident in pursuing her either, so my prayer to God was, "Lord please speak to Ben and change his heart if we are to pursue her."

A few days after this, Ben went for a run, I was upstairs going through the boys' clothes when he comes up after running 6 miles, all sweaty, and he said, "I think we need to pray and really think more about Lucy."  I start crying(happy tears), thinking "wow could she really be our daughter?" He's looking at me like I'm a little crazy and I tell him that I needed God to speak to him and this felt a little bit like a confirmation.
 
So, we decided that we'd take the next step which is to send her file to Cincinnati Children's International Specialist to have a Dr. who is used to seeing files of kids from China and other countries and who could give us more medical insight.

A few days later,  we heard back from the Dr. in Cincy.  Ben was at work, so we had a phone conference together.  He got called out towards the end, but we both were able to hear the main part of the call... The Dr. had a much less exciting prognosis based off the file, pictures, and videos we sent her.  She said Lucy has Cerebral Palsy and is cognitively delayed to the point that her IQ suggests she'll never be able to live independently.  She'll probably not be able to get a HS diploma and will need assistance making financial and personal decisions.  However, she did say that she was surprised by the video of her singing and that with an IQ as low as she tested, she shouldn't be able to remember and sing along as well as she did.  The Strabismus (cross eye) wasn't even mentioned because the other 2 disabilities were more severe to talk about.   When he got home from work, we both had a sense of, "Well, that was more than we were expecting."  As we began talking about our fears and thoughts, we tried to do a lot of resting in God and trusting in Him to provide the answer.

Over the next couple days, we continued praying and seeking God's wisdom. On June 9, 2015, we both had complete peace that we should pursue Lucy, trusting that if we are not right for her or she is not going to do well with us, then God would not allow it to happen and will provide her with the family she needs.  One of the verses that I read in Habukkuk 1:3-5, Habukkuk asks God why He allows wrong and makes him look at injustice.  God replies... "look at the nations and watch-and be utterly amazed for I am going to do something amazing in your days that you would not believe even if you were told."  We look forward to seeing how God uses all of this for His glory!!  It's amazing to think that ten years ago I graduated with a special education minor thinking I'd use it in the school setting.  Now I will get to use that degree for my daughter.  How beautiful it is in all the ways God is showing us that long ago, He knew we would adopt from China.  On paper, Lucy isn't someone that the agency would've matched us with (she's older than we had requested and her disabilities are more severe than what we were desiring). However, we know that she is who we are to pursue and we are thankful that God's plan is better than ours!!