A word from Ben

While running a 6-mile punishment for the Biggest Loser Challenge at work, I was finishing up my last mile and God began to minister to my heart about little Lucy.  I have been struggling with wanting a little girl who was going to fit right into our family's active life style.  Little Lucy has muscle issues and moderate retardation.  So that didn't fit into what I (emphasized!) wanted.  I wanted it to be easy or maybe not easy, but definitely not as hard as Lucy was presenting with.  I had lost focus that this was the Lord's inspiration for us to adopt and not us.  What was it that he wanted in this adoption and not I.  This needed to be Your will be done, not Mine. 
As a dad, I have always wanted the best for my kids and having a kid with moderate disabilities, especially mentally, was a challenge for me.  I selfishly was limiting in my mind maybe what God wanted to do through this adoption.  This selfish perspective was possibly limiting God's will for our family.  With this narrow-minded perspective we could be missing out on an amazing blessing the Lord has for our family as a whole and each individual member of our family.   Right before the run, Brandee and I talked about Lucy's personality and how she liked singing, playing with others and how she liked to eat... all signs of life!  We talked about how getting a toddler or infant, you don't know their personality yet and how a child that seems more "normal" could turn out to have many social issues.  So with this foundation of the story I'm on my run... I'm finishing the last mile and put on one of my most favorite songs to help me dig in. It's "Tear Down the Walls" by Hillsong United. 
Tear Down the walls
Tear down the walls,
see the world, is there something we have missed
turn from ourselves, look beyond
there is so much more than this
And I don't need to see it to believe it
cause I can't shake this fire deep inside my heart
Look to the skies hope arise
see His majesty revealed
more than this life there is love
there is hope and this is real
This life is yours and hope is rising as your glory floods our hearts
let love tear down these walls that
all creation would come back to you
it's all for you
Your name is glorious glorious
your love is changing us, calling us to worship in spirit and in trust
as all creation returns to you
For all your sons and daughters who are walking in the darkness
you are calling us to lead them back to you
we will see your spirit rising as the lost come out of hiding
every heart will see this hope we have in you

So here I am running along and the Holy Spirit just starts ministering to my heart with the lyrics of this song.  I begin to see my selfishness and begin to see what I'm missing overall:
1) One day when the Lord returns (if not sooner) she will be able to walk and run "normal" and have corrected eyes and "normal" mental capacity.  Jesus will usher those of us in Him into a new life with a new body, heart, and mind.  How short minded I have been to forget this.  We ALL have imperfections and the only cure is Jesus.  It (this life) has been and will always be about coming back to Jesus who all things were created by and for.  My main idea as a parent, husband, friend, coworker, and believer in Christ should be first and foremost to "lead them back to you". The lyrics "let love tear down these walls (of ignorance and selfishness) that all creation would come back to you, it's all for you" and "turn from ourselves, look beyond there is so much more to this" really brought this adoption into a right and true perspective.
2) No matter the mental delays our love can carry us through and Brandee's background of early childhood education could help this precious little girl to grow leaps and bounds.  She's worked with kids who have developmental delays so who better to help Lucy grow than her mama.
3) Why are we adopting? For ourselves and what WE want or answering the calling that God has laid on our hearts? Is this for our overall plan in life or His? Loves doesn't see ailments.  Just as God loved us "while we were still yet sinners" and gunked up with our junk and imperfections, should I be looking at my kids and ones He's entrusted to me with the same eyes.  This life will never have perfection.  How soon we forget that the "perfect" family life and circumstances does not and will not exist in this life.  Our only hope is in Jesus.  "look to the skies, hope arise, see His majesty revealed.  More than this life there is love, there is hope, and this is real"

Our love for Lucy will fill us with joy and compassion as with any of our kids, to see beyond whatever physical, mental, or emotional ailment they may have.  Did we get to choose Noah not to get Lymphomatoid Papulosis?  No, and it didn't make us love him any less.  If Lucy was "perfect" now or have very mild disabilities and then develop into moderate disabilities later, would it change our love or care for her?  By NO means.
Thank you God for helping me to see the error of my ways and your prompting to pursue this precious little girl.  If we hadn't had an A/C appointment, where I had to turn down overtime, I wouldn't have been at home to go on this long run and have my eyes opened.  The appointment ended up being unnecessary as the installer found out that the air distributor was internally insulated.  No charge to us for the appointment, but that whole event ensured I was at home and therefore able to go on this run.
Now where do we go? Well with a new perspective, we are pressing forward for Lucy and whether we get her or not is in God's hands, but like Paul in the bible, we have a new way to see.